he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
