you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
