Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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