the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
