i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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