plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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