i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
