There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
