And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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