Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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