I wish I could teleport
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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