Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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