Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
