i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
