my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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