I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
