Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
