you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
