So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
