she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
