We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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