So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
