I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
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