we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
