Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
