We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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