you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My balls are so social today.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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