i just wanna soil my oats bro
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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