I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
