Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
