I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
