you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
