u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
