Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
