SEEEEXXX PLEASE
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
