He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
