i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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