you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
