I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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