I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
