Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
