I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
