new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
