so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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