Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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