we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm sobbing to NWA
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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