Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
