i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
