The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
