Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
