help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
