so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
