my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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