Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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