he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
vagina is talking i cant
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
