I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you would pick up someone in the library
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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