If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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