This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
