remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
